If we struggle to build meaningful relationships, the reason may be our own exaggerated dependence on them. The unquestionable and emotionally enforced priority that justifies any means, and non-ecological actions. Ultimately, this makes the relationships unsafe and uncomfortable for both our counterparts and ourselves. We cling to people, feel entitled to benefits derived from relationships, and expect only desired interactions. We mentally hold others accountable for any non-compliance, sometimes purely imaginary. We even preemptively “punish” them for something they may never do, should our suspicions get the better of us.
Hence, our inability to build relationships, adverse or “unfair” responses of others, repetitive conflicts, frustrations and break-ups — are often problems of our own making. Something we can fix if we subdue our uncontrolled reactions and make interactions harmonic and ecological.
Relationships of any kind
It does not matter whether relationships are romantic, business or social ones. We can have a relationship with a person, a group of people or the world. Our mind considers all connected benefits, problems, pleasures, sensations, comforts, financial gains and losses, memories of past interactions, future plans, expectations, dreams, etc.
People avoid toxic relationships
Our counterparts save themselves by escaping from relationships charged with destructive emotions. They feel the pressure, shrinking freedoms, escalating tensions should they cross the boundaries we have imposed. Their “unexpected” adverse actions are a natural and valuable feedback we can use to improve. A mirror we can use to locate emotions not yet reachable for our awareness.
Loneliness does not exist
“Loneliness” is a name for an aggregate of emotional symptoms like fear, self-pity, sadness, jealousy, the feeling of being unfairly treated by the world or other person, mental attacks on unwanted present and future, longing for the past, etc. Our subjective dependency on “someone” dictates the stream of mental activity we label as loneliness. If we deconstruct it, locate and cease the emotions comprising it — loneliness “vanishes”.
|The key to building meaningful relationships is to preserve genuine emotional ecology when interacting and even merely thinking about others.|